Sometimes finding evidence of positive behavior amidst the chaos of a defiant child is difficult. However, I would be remiss if I failed to celebrate the small successes of the past few days. So here begins my celebration!
Yesterday I had extra pieces of pie crust dough in a bowl on the counter. Timothy wanted to play with it, and I let him. I told him he could play with it if he stayed at the table. The next thing I knew he had the dough and my rolling pin and he was trying to roll it out like he had seen me doing earlier. He was imitating my behavior. I will celebrate positive imitation.
He also used the beans I had used to weigh down the crust when I baked it earlier. I let him play with the beans. I knew they would likely get all over. But if the dough and the beans were the worst that would get all over, I was willing to deal with the mess.
I generally hate the messes. I get so stressed with kid messes. But this time was different. Timothy was actually entertaining himself. He found the dough and the beans on his own. He figured out what he needed to do with the rolling pin and the dough. He was playing nicely with Emma who had decided she wanted in on his fun. They worked together for quite some time without fighting.
Yes, there was a mess on the table and on the floor around the table when they were done. But I looked the other way and I choose to celebrate the small successes of positive behavior.
Then we headed to my dad's house for dinner. Generally we have a difficult time getting Timothy to sit still long enough to eat a good dinner. And if he does eat he is so squirmy in his seat. Yesterday he sat quietly eating his dinner. It wasn't until someone noticed he wasn't eating his potatoes "properly" that he started having issues.
Yes, he was picking at his potatoes, but he will not eat potato skins and he was so full that he really didn't want any more of his dinner. Yes, he had started playing with his food, but he was sitting quietly, he wasn't underneath the table stomping on our feet. But once again I am chose to look the other way and I choose to celebrate the small successes. He was in his chair for about half an hour. What more can I really ask of a child who generally does not do this?
More small successes:
He allowed us to help him get dressed quickly yesterday morning. Yes, it took quite a few times reminding him what he needed to do, but he got it done. Breakfast went smoothly. He ate breakfast without teasing the dog, without teasing Micah, and without spilling milk all over.
When we first got to church, the worst he did was run to the front and run around the choir seats. He then lost the privilege to decide which parent he would sit by in Sacrament meeting. He was mad at me, but he did sit quietly next to me until the sacrament had been passed. Then I allowed him to sit by John as that is what he wanted to begin with. He quietly colored pictures without fighting and without trying to climb underneath the pews. He did not sit in his seat the entire time, and he was not perfectly quiet. He wanted to talk about his picture. But he wasn't screaming, hitting, biting, kicking, etc. I choose to celebrate the fact that we got through sacrament meeting without a major all out meltdown.
In Primary, the worst he did was to throw his shoes at one of the girls in his class. This is a far cry from the hitting and the biting and the running away. Yes, I do not appreciate the shoe throwing, but I choose to celebrate the fact that his behavior in Primary is starting to improve.
This morning we were waiting for his ride to preschool to get here. He sat through the story Micah choose and then we read one of Timothy's choice. Then it was time for Timothy to find his backpack and something for show and tell. He quickly found something to take and he put it in his backpack quickly. When his ride got here, he went to the door and told me she was here, he walked out and said "Bye mom." Such a sweet boy. He generally doesn't acknowledge me when he leaves. So I will celebrate the morning of stories and positive behavior again.
So in the grand scheme of things, has my child's behavior changed drastically? No. But in our moment to moment life, I am finding myself more capable of finding the positives and the negatives aren't so overwhelming. I am finding positive moments to focus on when I need help during those moments of pure chaos.
