Disappointed with what is available

My daughter just turned 10 and for her birthday I gave her some options.
Option 1:  Go to the store and buy a present.
Option 2:  Go to Disney on Ice.
Option 3:  Go to a movie with mom and dad.

Of course, I gave her these options not really knowing what movies are available right now.   Plus, I thought I was safe, I was sure she would choose Disney on Ice.   But such is not the case.  She chose the movie with mom and dad.   So we sat down on Saturday to choose a movie.    I was severely disappointed in the fare we had to choose from.

I will not take my daughter to see these movies.   I just want to protect her from the world for a little longer.  There are things she doesn't need to see in the movies just yet.  The only movie I can see she would enjoy is OZ which doesn't come out for another week or so.   But I think she was telling me she wanted to see that movie just because it was the only one available.

So John and I decided to see if we could find a live theatre to take her to.   I want to take her to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang at the Hale Center Theatre, but it is mostly sold out until the end of March.  She has watched that movie so I know she would understand the play a bit.   I looked for other community theatres and found one with rave reviews.   The reviews said it was family friendly, cheaper than going to a movie, etc, etc, etc.   Then I looked at the current offering, "Death of a Salesman."  

I don't know about you, but I didn't fully understand that play when I read it in High School so I do not expect my 10 year old daughter to understand it right now.   I did not like it when I read it and I refuse to subject my daughter to something that I did not enjoy many years ago.  

My other option I suppose was to go to the ballet.   Ballet West just recently had Cinderella and I know she would have liked Cinderella.  But I was too late.   It ended on Saturday.  I thought it had at least one more week.  

After searching for options I am disappointed with what is available for family viewing.   There are not many options that are appropriate for a 10 year old.   I would like to expose my children to more theatre, but I refuse to pay the price for them to not understand and to be bored.  Maybe the pickings will be better in a few months, but I didn't want to wait that long.   I am tired of putting her off like this. But I don't have much of an option at this point.

I will just chalk this up to another parenting fail with my daughter.   It seems to happen way too often lately.  

I remember that time when . . .

As I was driving home from preschool today, my mind was flooded with memories.   One in particular was very poignant.  I was transported to my freshman year in college.   I had a wonderful roommate, yet she loved to stay up later than I did.  She consistently had others visiting.  At the same time I had a bout of homesickness, though I was only an hour away.  But, I had a tape (cassette tapes were still popular then!)  that my mom had given me.  It was a recording of the program we had when I received my young womanhood recognition.

What I remember most is that she had given a talk and had sung a duet with me.   I don't even remember the exact song we sang.   So, at night I would put headphones on and turn on the tape.   The headphones definitely did not block out all sound, but I found it relaxed me and I fell asleep quickly.   I was so grateful for that tape.   

So, as I was driving today, I found myself wishing I still had that tape.  I cannot find it and I think I may have recorded over it in later years.  I thought that if it relaxed me so many years ago amidst all the craziness of my dorm room, it could relax me during labor, right?   Maybe it could help me relax and sleep when I have a horrible migraine, or when I just have one of my restless nights.   

I'm not sure, why this memory surfaced today.  I am left missing my mom very much today as my emotions are already right on the surface.    People say that time erases the pain.   Well, yes, time does erase the pain, but it cannot erase the memories and it cannot erase the need for the one person who understood me better than I understood myself at times.   

More illness . . . .

After finishing a round of antibiotics, I thought I was free and clear.  I was getting things ready to complete a million projects I have lined up, including getting my girls moved into their rooms downstairs.   All of a sudden I was so exhausted I could barely stay awake.   I had an awful headache, I felt like the sinus infection had come back in full force, my body hurt, and I couldn't breathe when I tried to sleep.   I was so miserable.  

To top it all off, my girls were starting to complain about not feeling well and my boys were not sleeping well.   Once again, we were back to putting the kids in front of a movie or the computer so I could get some much needed rest.   I had started to feel yucky on a Tuesday.   That Wednesday I let Amber stay home from school because she felt awful and she looked so tired.  I had already been keeping Timothy home from school because he was so tired and out of sorts.   Having Amber home that day was such a godsend.   Even though she wasn't feeling well, she helped me with the boys.  I could barely move.

On Thursday I let Emma stay home.  I think she just wanted a day like Amber had, but she also just looked exhausted.  That day was the breaking point for me.  I wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry.  I was miserable and I couldn't keep up with the kids.   Every time I stood or sat upright my head would throb.   I couldn't even walk in a straight line.   

This is where my visiting teacher stepped in.   She had called earlier because Amber had told her I was really sick again.   She asked if I needed anything from the store.   I had her get some me some milk.  That was the one thing that would make breakfast so much easier.  My kids can get cereal on their own and I don't have to worry about getting them breakfast.  I had just been feeling so yucky and had not been able to get to the store yet.   

She came back with the milk and I had to get up and answer the door.   I could barely stand up and I was literally in tears because I hurt so much.  It was awful.   At that point I was so grateful that she then took my kids for the rest of the afternoon, and made dinner for us.  I asked somebody else to pick up Amber from school as I knew I would not be able to get there safely.   

John got home from work, we ate dinner, and he said he was taking me to Instacare and I had no choice.  This had gone on long enough and I needed help.   So he took my kids to my dad's house and we trooped off to Instacare.   Because of the severe pain combined with pregnancy Instacare would not treat me.  The doctor gave John a choice- either he can drive me to the ER or they would put me in an ambulance.  He chose to drive me to the ER.   

Thankfully they were  not busy at the ER.  I waited a few short minutes before they checked me in.   After getting checked in, the ER wouldn't treat me either.  They wheeled me to Labor and Delivery where they took a flu swab and monitored the baby.  Oh, and they gave me a dose of morphine.  Because the morphine did not take effect immediately and with my history of migraines, Labor and Delivery sent me back to the ER for X-rays.   This is when I found out the flu test came back positive.   I could have told them it was the flu before I took the test.   It didn't feel like anything else.  

Back in the ER, despite having difficulty standing due to the severe headache, the X-ray tech made me stand up.   I just wanted to cry.  John hadn't been able to come with me so I had to do it by myself.   The x-ray tech was no help.   He was actually a little impatient with me.   Finally we were done with x-rays.   A short while later the ER nurses told me I was being admitted.   At that point it was just about 8 a.m. and I had been at the hospital since 8 p.m.   John was exhausted, I was exhausted, and my kids were still at my dad's house.   

The doctors told me I would be there for at least 24 hours.  But then my platelet counts dropped.    They wouldn't let me go home until my platelet counts started rising again.   By Sunday I was so discouraged.   Everything was out of my control.  My platelet levels had dropped so low and the doctor kept telling me scary things that could happen.   Before this I didn't know what function the platelets have.   Apparently platelets are an important factor in blood clotting.   So that's why everybody was so concerned when my platelet levels dropped.   

That Tuesday, five days after originally going to the ER the doctor finally told me I could go home because it looked like my platelet counts were rising.   I came home about 1:00 that afternoon.   I was so excited to come home, but I was still so exhausted.   It has been a long road since I came home.   I have taken a major beating physically and emotionally.   My energy has pretty much been non-existent.  Two weeks later I am just now feeling like I can function as a normal person again.   But I still have to get the rooms ready for my girls.    I have a lot to do in the next 6 weeks.   I'm not sure it is going to get done but I will certainly try.  I may have to enlist the help of friends.