My heart is so full today

My daughter and I had appointments at my photography studio last night.  While we were there Amber was hungry so I allowed her to walk to the grocery store which is just across the corner from the studio.  She has done this before successfully so I wasn't worried.  

On our way home after the appointments, Amber shared the following experience with me.

She was crossing the street on a green light for her, red going the other way.  She got to the middle of the street.  As she approached the middle of the street she heard a voice in her head telling her to stop right there.  She said she also heard honking but couldn't see any cars close by.   She stopped.  Right as she stopped, a truck whizzed past her, just about a foot in front of her.   She was so scared but so very grateful she listened to that still small voice.

She told me there was a man in a wheelchair who then crossed the street with her, which helped her feel safer.  He had seen the whole thing.   He asked her why she had stopped in the middle of the street.   She then explained to him about the still small voice and how it is something that the Lord has blessed her with to help her in her life.  

I am so grateful that she listened to that still small voice. I do not even want to think about what would have happened had she not listened.  It seems crazy to stop in the middle of the street, but I'm glad she did.   Experiences like this will only build her testimony.  These experiences will help her understand the spirit, the still small voice, in ways a lot of adults  never understand.  

I am also so grateful that every child of God is important to him, it does not matter how young, old, big, or small a person is.  Each person is loved.   My daughter is 11 and the Lord knew she needed help at that moment.   He was protecting her even at her young age.   My heart is overflowing right now.  I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who has given us the means to be guided and protected in this life while we are away from him.  

Now, I know that there are many times this situation would have, and has turned out differently.  I cannot say why it is different.  I can only speak to this particular situation.  I do know how devastating any other outcome would have been to me and my family.   I also know that when bad things happen, it does not mean the Lord does not love that person.  In this situation Amber had a choice, listen and stop or continue going forward.  

Agency is a powerful thing.   We all have agency, the ability to make choices for ourselves, be it good or bad.   It makes my heart happy to know Amber is listening when we teach the gospel in our home, at church, and other places.   Like I said earlier, I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who guided an 11 year old child to safety.   I hope she always remembers this.  

Cell Phone and Tablet pocket made from old jeans

I have struggled with the exasperating question of where to put cell phones and tablets while they are charging.   Quite a few months ago as I was perusing the internet, I found an idea.   So I set out to create cell phone pockets from the already made pockets on a pair of jeans.   It so happened that we had a pair of my son's jeans that were no longer serviceable.  I cut off the pockets, sewed handles on them, and I had cell phone pockets.   The hardest part was sewing the handles on.  This was actually very easy.  

This is what I ended up with.   A pocket I could hang on a hook on the wall.   We have a surge protector attached to the wall just above this to house the plugs for the phones, and such.

I was gathering materials to make a few of these in a larger size for our tablets.   My girls wanted the legs cut off the jeans that had huge holes in the knees so they could have shorts.   I put my projects on hold and cut off the legs of their jeans.   I then had a bright idea.  The legs of the jeans I had just cut off looked to be the size I would need for a tablet.  What if I folded the leg up and sewed the bottom?  It would make the perfect pocket.   So I folded up one of the legs.  When I looked at it, I realized there were two pockets without having to sew the bottom.   So I set out to make a tablet pocket that would hold two tablets.  This would be perfect.  

So, here's how I made the tablet pockets.

1.  With the pant legs right side out, I folded over the top raw edge and top stitched it into place.
2.  I measured enough lace to go around the top edge.  I sewed it on so it hung over the top edge.
3.  I then folded over the top edge again and top stitched it into place again.

Here is the top part with the lace sewn on.  

4.  Once that step was done I turned the pant leg inside out.

This is what it looked like at this step.

5.  I then folded up the edge I had top stitched with lace.  This created two pockets: One in front, one in back.

Pant leg is folded up creating two pockets.

6.  I then stitched the front portion of the pocket to the back of the pocket at each side.  This will prevent it from becoming unfolded and dropping the contents all over.

7.  After I finished step 6, I zigzag stitched the top middle pieces together along the existing seam. 

8.  I then cut along the existing seam leaving about an inch or so on each side.  This created the handles.

9.  On each side of the hole, I stitched the handles vertically to give it more support.

I hadn't cut this one enough.  I only left an inch or two uncut on each side.

This is after I sewed the handles.  I also decided to zig zag again.  The whole top piece was zig zag stitched together.  

 10.   The tablet pocket was done.  I then added the tablet.

Yay, it fits.  Perfect size.  

11.  The tablet even fits when it is in the protective case.  It is a tighter fit, but it fits.
12.  Then I hung it on the wall next to the cell phone pocket.  

Only one tablet in the pocket for now.  I was using the other one for pictures of this project!

Now the tablet pocket is finished.  It is hanging up and waiting for the second tablet to join the first.   Here is another picture just to show you what this area looks like.

I have the cell phone pocket and the tablet pocket.  Above these pockets is a surge protector for all of the plugs.

When I first saw the idea for the cell phone pocket the tutorial said to hang the cell phone pocket on the plug for the phone.  I did not think that would be safe so that is why I attached the surge protector to the wall above the pockets.

I am so excited.   I have loved the cell phone pocket and I am sure I am going to love the tablet pocket.

Looking back: Thoughts on Postpartum depression

Have you ever worn sunglasses inside?  That is what my whole world looked like.   I didn't realize how dark and bleak everything looked.  I felt I had lost control of my life.  I didn't want to get out of bed.  My migraines were the worst they have ever been.  I tried to do different things but soon gave up because I had no desire to do anything.  I had to withdraw from all of the cases I was working on.   If I couldn't take care of my basic needs, I couldn't take care of others.   It was such a devastating blow to me.  

I recently saw something to the effect that if we change our attitude then happiness will follow.   This is not always true.   I couldn't change how I felt.  I didn't even know how to change how I felt.  I tried, but it felt like such an insurmountable task.  I didn't know what was wrong.  One day one of my friends posted an article on Facebook about postpartum depression.  I read the article and recognized a lot of the same symptoms in myself.  I decided I needed help. But I was embarrassed. I didn't want to admit that 6 months later I was having difficulty.  In reality I had been feeling this all summer long.  I finally made it to the doctor in early September 2013.  She asked how I was doing.  I didn't say fine because I knew I wasn't fine, but I told her I was okay.  She looked at me and basically told me I was lying.  Looking at the questionnaire I had filled out she said, "Looking at this I can pretty much say you are not okay."  I cried.  She gave me a prescription for antidepressants.  

My world suddenly became brighter.  I finally saw how low I had gotten.  I felt great for a little while. There are still days I struggle.  I had to limit my activities.  I gave up PTA, work, and other activities.  I gave up learning how to knit.  I needed time to take care of myself and my family.   I needed time.   I did not know how hard this would be.   I was racked with guilt every time I thought about giving up on PTA.   I knew they had been relying on me to do things that never got done.  I also felt awful about giving up on my clients.   Well, I never gave up on them, I just was not able to help them at the time.  I also felt guilty every time I thought about my children and what I could not do for them.  My oldest was taking care of breakfast for the rest of the children.  She was trying to keep everything together.  I look at what she was doing and I feel guilty still.

Now a year later I still take anti depressants.  I don't need them every day.  I do recognize when I am sliding downward.   Those are the times I need to make sure I take the anti depressants to help me from sliding too far down.  It has been a year since starting medication.  I am not sure all of my children have recovered from that terrible time.  

Before experiencing depression, I did not understand it.  I thought like the quote I mentioned earlier that a mere change in attitude and perspective would help a person be happy.  I thought depression was something that could be fixed by a positive attitude.  I did not know how debilitating it could be.  I did not know it would be so hard to get out of bed, or even just to sit up.  I did not know how little energy was available, and that it would take all the available energy for the day just to get out of bed to use the bathroom.   I did not realize how hard it would be to shower, to get dressed, to eat, etc.  All of this takes energy that I found myself lacking.  I had not realized there was a difference between depression and extreme sadness.  I did not know that depression can change a person's vision, making a person unable to see the light.  
I also thought postpartum depression was where you want to harm your child.  I never wanted to harm my baby, or my other children.   Postpartum depression isn't always about wanting to harm yourself or your child.  It is about the inability to function at peak capacity, an inability to take care of yourself and others.  I am so grateful for the inspiration my friend had to post an article about postpartum depression when she did.   I know that when I was at my lowest, the Lord was there to help take care of things I couldn't do myself.  There were people who offered help, fed my family, and cleaned my house.  Postpartum depression can be a very lonely disease, even when there are people who offer support.  I am so grateful I found the help I needed.  I still have hard days but it is not nearly as bad as the summer of 2013.  I will forever be grateful for those who have stood by me during my lowest times and did not give up on me.