The most difficult thing for me is to see my child as he is, not as I wish he was. You see, before I started having children I had dreams and visions of what my children would be like. My children would be respectful, smart, well behaved, musical, etc., etc., etc. My oldest child seemed to be everything I dreamed of. She is well behaved, musical, smart, etc., etc., etc. She learned quickly to obey the rules. I did not, and still do not, have much trouble with her. She is responsible and trustworthy.
But then I got to my third child, my first boy. Everybody told me boys were different, they were more rambunctious, they had more energy. So I was prepared for high energy. I knew things would be different at my house. But still I had dreams and aspirations for my child. I still dreamed of a boy who learned to be respectful, follow the rules, and channel his energy into something productive. Those dreams seemed to shatter as time went on. As he got older the energy did not slow down. The lessons on respect were not sinking in. He was very impulsive and did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. I had bottles of syrup, bags of flour, boxes of baking soda and baking powder dumped all over my floor. My carpets were colored with food coloring.
It has been just over 2 years since the original diagnosis, and just under 2 years with medication. I still struggle. There are things I know will not change. So at this point the most difficult thing is to love him as he is instead of as I hope him to be. I know I am far from perfect in this. I have to work on this minute to minute. When he doesn't respond the way I want him to I need to remind myself the most important thing is love.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Sunday, August 10, 2014
DIY Laundry Soap
My friend, Cynthia came to visit awhile ago and she brought with her a recipe for laundry soap. Even though I had seen multiple posts floating around Facebook about DIY laundry soap I never truly considered it before. I had seen multiple recipes and some even for liquid laundry soap. When Cynthia asked me if I wanted to do this, I was a little skeptical.
Despite my skepticism I was up for the challenge. I was ready for the long list of ingredients we would need and the difficult instructions for putting it all together. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that this DIY laundry soap only needed four ingredients. Plus, it sounded simple to put together.
So we sent John to the store to gather the ingredients for us. When John brought the ingredients home, I quickly realized the container I was planning to use was not going to be sufficient. So I found an empty food storage bucket. This actually worked very well.
Here is the recipe we used.
1 box cleaning baking soda
1 box borax
1 small container oxi clean
2 bars fels naptha soap
I cannot for the life of me remember the size of the boxes. I know what each one looks like and I know where to find it. The hardest part of making this laundry soap was grating the fels naptha soap. I just used my cheese grater. After all, it is just soap and with a little water, and a run through the dishwasher my cheese grater was very clean.
It was very simple to put this all together. We emptied all contents from each of the boxes into the bucket. We grated the fels naptha and added that to the bucket. Then we picked up the bucket and shook it. We shook the bucket until all ingredients were well mixed. It was so easy. It only took about 5 minutes max from start to finish, not including time to get the ingredients.
I have to say I was still a little skeptical about this soap. But I tried it. My white clothes came out brighter. I didn't have any allergic reactions. I have a large family which means we do a lot of laundry. This concoction lasted far longer than any store bought laundry soap thus making it a cheaper option than store bought laundry soap.
Despite my skepticism I was up for the challenge. I was ready for the long list of ingredients we would need and the difficult instructions for putting it all together. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that this DIY laundry soap only needed four ingredients. Plus, it sounded simple to put together.
So we sent John to the store to gather the ingredients for us. When John brought the ingredients home, I quickly realized the container I was planning to use was not going to be sufficient. So I found an empty food storage bucket. This actually worked very well.
Here is the recipe we used.
1 box cleaning baking soda
1 box borax
1 small container oxi clean
2 bars fels naptha soap
I cannot for the life of me remember the size of the boxes. I know what each one looks like and I know where to find it. The hardest part of making this laundry soap was grating the fels naptha soap. I just used my cheese grater. After all, it is just soap and with a little water, and a run through the dishwasher my cheese grater was very clean.
It was very simple to put this all together. We emptied all contents from each of the boxes into the bucket. We grated the fels naptha and added that to the bucket. Then we picked up the bucket and shook it. We shook the bucket until all ingredients were well mixed. It was so easy. It only took about 5 minutes max from start to finish, not including time to get the ingredients.
I have to say I was still a little skeptical about this soap. But I tried it. My white clothes came out brighter. I didn't have any allergic reactions. I have a large family which means we do a lot of laundry. This concoction lasted far longer than any store bought laundry soap thus making it a cheaper option than store bought laundry soap.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Yes, I am that parent . . .
I am that mother who . . .
-- turns a blind eye to poor behavior from my children. (It is a pick your battle thing. What am I willing to fight over each day?)
-- laughs quietly sometimes when my children misbehave, and then scolds. (especially when my car gets painted yellow, and my child walks through the paint leaving footprints all over my driveway)
-- waits for a child to return before rushing out the door after him.
-- allows a child to learn the hard lessons in life on his/her own.
-- allows my child to fall asleep wherever they desire, even if it is the closet. (Yes, I have children that have chosen to sleep in the closet rather than their bed.)
-- allows my child to run around in underwear instead of fighting him to get dressed.
-- allows another child to go places with unruly, unbrushed hair.
-- chooses to stay home rather than let my children terrorize another home.
-- gives my children everything they could want, even if it means picking up the 18 month old when he cries, hugging and kissing the 11 yo, or just spending time with the children. (My children need to know I am here for them, and they get that reassurance often.)
-- allows my children watch TV so I can get a few moments to myself to regroup. (PBS and Netflix are great things in my home)
-- makes my children finish their chores before going out to play (though chores are minimal each day and tailored to each child's ability)
-- allows my children to walk down the street on their own.
-- allows my children to bake cookies on their own. (Messes ensue, but I survive the mess somehow)
-- allows my children to develop new talents on their own schedule. (I cannot force them, as much as I want to. They need to decide when and how they will learn)
-- enjoys the quiet hours with the moon after the children are all in bed and asleep.
-- turns a blind eye to poor behavior from my children. (It is a pick your battle thing. What am I willing to fight over each day?)
-- laughs quietly sometimes when my children misbehave, and then scolds. (especially when my car gets painted yellow, and my child walks through the paint leaving footprints all over my driveway)
-- waits for a child to return before rushing out the door after him.
-- allows a child to learn the hard lessons in life on his/her own.
-- allows my child to fall asleep wherever they desire, even if it is the closet. (Yes, I have children that have chosen to sleep in the closet rather than their bed.)
-- allows my child to run around in underwear instead of fighting him to get dressed.
-- allows another child to go places with unruly, unbrushed hair.
-- chooses to stay home rather than let my children terrorize another home.
-- gives my children everything they could want, even if it means picking up the 18 month old when he cries, hugging and kissing the 11 yo, or just spending time with the children. (My children need to know I am here for them, and they get that reassurance often.)
-- allows my children watch TV so I can get a few moments to myself to regroup. (PBS and Netflix are great things in my home)
-- makes my children finish their chores before going out to play (though chores are minimal each day and tailored to each child's ability)
-- allows my children to walk down the street on their own.
-- allows my children to bake cookies on their own. (Messes ensue, but I survive the mess somehow)
-- allows my children to develop new talents on their own schedule. (I cannot force them, as much as I want to. They need to decide when and how they will learn)
-- enjoys the quiet hours with the moon after the children are all in bed and asleep.
Friday, August 1, 2014
What ADHD means at my house
What ADHD means at my house is not necessarily what it means at another house. I wholly believe each child is different and all family dynamics are different.
So here is what ADHD means at my house.
When I clean it is in vain. It will be undone in 2 seconds flat.
I have two 4yo boys, or so it seems. The 4yo and 6yo act almost exactly alike.
Things take longer to get done at my house. My 6yo doesn't seem to want to help and my 9yo gets distracted way too easily by other things.
Organization is not possible in the common areas of my home.
We still have fun.
We still get things done. (Just not in the time frame others think it should be done.)
We have a different way of dealing with our children than others expect. This includes turning a blind eye to some behaviors and focusing on others.
Just because my house is an utter disaster right now doesn't mean it is always like this. We do have a few days (few and far between) where the house is actually clean and presentable.
Now that I have described what ADHD means at my house, I am going to share some pictures to better help explain ADHD at my house.
1. ADHD at my house means my kitchen table looks like this more often than not. I leave the room and things get spilled, dumped, and thrown around. Don't even ask about the kitchen floor. It is awful.
2. ADHD at my house means that when I pick up movies and put them away it is a mecca for pulling things out and scattering them all over the floor. Organization is not possible in the common areas of my house. I try. But it ends up like this in 2 seconds flat as soon as it is all put away.
3. ADHD at my house means books are put on the bookshelf, but the books that don't fit are stuck in a huge pile at the bottom of the bookshelf. Of course, they don't fit if there is already one or two books on the bookshelf.
Don't judge me or my children by the state of our house. I try to keep up, I really do. Sometimes I am just so overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I need to pick up because my children won't. Just because the house is a mess does not mean my children don't help. Try living with children with ADHD before you judge the state of my house.
So, ADHD at my house also means it takes longer for my children to learn the necessary life skills they will need such as cleaning up after themselves. It is a work in progress. But we still have a long way to go.
But ADHD at my house also means there is a lot of energy in my home. There is no lack of laughter, fighting, and noise. We have fun. My children act like normal siblings, they get along one moment and are fighting the next. ADHD at my house means we will never have a spotless home. But it also means there is no end to the love that we share.
I will continue to teach my children acceptable behavior. It will take them longer than you expect for them to catch on. Understand that ADHD at my house may not mean what you want it to mean. Be patient with us as we learn with our children what it means to live with ADHD. We don't have all the answers. Most of it is trial and error. Once I feel I have a handle on it, everything changes again.
Now, be patient with my children because they don't do what you expect children should do. My children are still children and do not think like an adult. This is a hard concept for me. I struggle daily. But I have more patience than I did six months ago with my children. Work with my children, don't judge them. Be kind to my children instead of being angry when they don't meet your expectations.
I used to think I would be able to teach my children, they would understand, and they would follow what they were taught. Then I was blessed with two children with ADHD and my whole life and perspective changed.
So here is what ADHD means at my house.
When I clean it is in vain. It will be undone in 2 seconds flat.
I have two 4yo boys, or so it seems. The 4yo and 6yo act almost exactly alike.
Things take longer to get done at my house. My 6yo doesn't seem to want to help and my 9yo gets distracted way too easily by other things.
Organization is not possible in the common areas of my home.
We still have fun.
We still get things done. (Just not in the time frame others think it should be done.)
We have a different way of dealing with our children than others expect. This includes turning a blind eye to some behaviors and focusing on others.
Just because my house is an utter disaster right now doesn't mean it is always like this. We do have a few days (few and far between) where the house is actually clean and presentable.
Now that I have described what ADHD means at my house, I am going to share some pictures to better help explain ADHD at my house.
1. ADHD at my house means my kitchen table looks like this more often than not. I leave the room and things get spilled, dumped, and thrown around. Don't even ask about the kitchen floor. It is awful.
Don't judge me or my children by the state of our house. I try to keep up, I really do. Sometimes I am just so overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I need to pick up because my children won't. Just because the house is a mess does not mean my children don't help. Try living with children with ADHD before you judge the state of my house.
So, ADHD at my house also means it takes longer for my children to learn the necessary life skills they will need such as cleaning up after themselves. It is a work in progress. But we still have a long way to go.
But ADHD at my house also means there is a lot of energy in my home. There is no lack of laughter, fighting, and noise. We have fun. My children act like normal siblings, they get along one moment and are fighting the next. ADHD at my house means we will never have a spotless home. But it also means there is no end to the love that we share.
I will continue to teach my children acceptable behavior. It will take them longer than you expect for them to catch on. Understand that ADHD at my house may not mean what you want it to mean. Be patient with us as we learn with our children what it means to live with ADHD. We don't have all the answers. Most of it is trial and error. Once I feel I have a handle on it, everything changes again.
Now, be patient with my children because they don't do what you expect children should do. My children are still children and do not think like an adult. This is a hard concept for me. I struggle daily. But I have more patience than I did six months ago with my children. Work with my children, don't judge them. Be kind to my children instead of being angry when they don't meet your expectations.
I used to think I would be able to teach my children, they would understand, and they would follow what they were taught. Then I was blessed with two children with ADHD and my whole life and perspective changed.
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