You could not have convinced me six years ago that I would feel more pain at my daughter's disappointments than she would. But, six years and one birthday party later, I am utterly convinced! Amber was so adamant about having a birthday party this year with friends. I hesitated, fearing the inevitable. Somehow it seems that when I plan things, everything goes awry, only ending in disappointment. However, I wanted to shield Amber from any and all possible disappointments this time. She has already had her share of mistreatment and disappointment in school. I just didn't want her to be hurt once again.
But, being a mom, I sucked it up and helped her invite five friends to her little party. She then proceeded to plan games and activities for her party! She wanted to plan most of it. So I encouraged her plans and guided her to appropriate activities. Then we sat back to wait. The party started at 11 a.m. One friend came. 10 minutes later I put on a movie for Amber and her friend. The other games Amber planned required more people to play!
11:15, still only one friend. John went to get pizza as planned.
11:20, Amber asks for the 10th time, "Where is everybody else, are they coming?" I didn't know what to say. I told her I thought they were coming, but we would just wait and see. We would just watch a movie until they got here!
11:30, John got home with pizza, still only one friend. Pizza put in oven to keep warm.
Shortly after John got home, one more friend showed up! Amber was in heaven. Finally, two friends! Yay. She didn't have to wonder anymore if her friends really wanted to come to her party.
12:00, an hour after the party started, Amber's last friend came. A total of three friends came.
To me, three friends is a good number for the first time having a birthday party with friends. the hard part for me, as the mom, was watching her and hearing the disappointment in her voice when she wondered if anybody was going to come. How do I help her at that point? I was at such a loss. I wanted to cuddle up with her and tell her it was all okay, but if only one person had come, she would have been forever scarred! She is such a sensitive little girl. No, she is not anything like me! Haha.
Despite the disappointing start to Amber's party, she had a splendid party. Once her friends were here, they all had a lot of fun. We ate pizza, played musical chairs, played animal charades, and decorated gift bags to take goodies home in. We had brownie cake and homemade icecream. Amber and her friends played with barbies, to the dismay of the one boy at her party. But he found other things to play with, and didn't seem too put out that the girls played with barbies! Whew, I was worried for a bit.
Everybody went home, and I still felt bad about the fiasco with no guests for her party! I'm glad Amber is so resilient and bounces back so quickly from disappointment. I surely don't. Next time I'm not sure I will bend when she is so adamant about having a party. I can handle the disappointment much better if it comes from me rather than others. I can control what happens when it comes from me, but not from others. I know I can't shield her forever, but I sure wish I didn't have to let her be hurt!
I have pictures, but blogger is not letting me post my slideshow from picasa, so no pictures today!
4 comments:
I LOVE your new background! And cherries are so appropriate for Utah! I am so glad that some friends show up for her birthday party! I bet that was really hard! That is neat you let her plan the party. I bet she loved that!
You know, I don't get why people do that. It's so rude. They should RSVP and then come if they said they were coming, or call if they can't make because something came up (I understand the last minute child throwing up scenario, but come on people, have some sense of integrity!). Sorry about my rant. Your post reminded me of what happens on a regular basis in my neck of the woods. That's why I never plan anything anymore.
Oh this ripped my heart out!!! I don't know whose heart is more tender in these situations: Mom's or child's. The truth though is that, AT THAT AGE, little ones take their cue from Mom. If you show your own disappointment, she'll adopt the same. If you focus cheerily on the plus' of the party for the next few days - that's what she'll remember. Sweet thing. I want to hug both of you!
Mona is right. If you focus on the great things that happened at the party she will forget all about the number of friends that were there but the fun that she had. I know that must have been hard, I felt sad while reading the story. I would still let her have a party next time just invite more people. I heard once to only plan on 1/3 of the people you invite to show up. I always wanted a birthday party with my friends and my mom didn't allow it.
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