Overflowing with happiness

I am overflowing with happiness right now.   So many good things have happened in the past little while.   My family has really been blessed with the Lord's tender mercies.  

We have been extremely busy the past couple of weeks.  It seems the end of the school year is always crazy as everybody tries to fit in the last few activities before school ends and the kids go all summer crazy.

Proud mama moment-   Okay, so this isn't how I intended this post to go, but this is the direction I am taking it now.  :-)   Amber entered a photography contest.  She was so excited to take pictures.  We went to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point.   She started out taking pictures with my cell phone until Cori arrived with a camera.   She was totally comfortable with the camera.   She loved it.   She found things to take pictures of that I probably would have passed by. I looked through her photos and wondered how she captured such beautiful pictures and how we would ever choose which ones to enter.    I had decided I would pay the entry fee for her but that meant I was not willing to do an unlimited amount of pictures.  I decided to let her enter two pictures.  I almost forgot to email her pictures in.   It was about 11 p.m. the night of the deadline.  I was just getting into bed and I turned to John and said "Oh no, I forgot to enter Amber's pictures for her."   So John woke up Amber so she could sign the application.   We had a few hiccups in getting both pictures posted.   I guess both pictures did not post to the email correctly.   But the lady was really good to work with and allowed us to try to submit it the next day.  Then the pictures were posted on Facebook on Thanksgiving Point's website.  They forgot to post one of Amber's pictures.  So we had that minor hiccup.   I didn't exactly understand how judging was going to work, but I knew she needed to get votes on Facebook.   So I shared her pictures, my brother shared her pictures, and a few other people shared her pictures.    I was a little disappointed when one of the other pictures had 118 votes and Amber had 40 votes.  It was a good thing the pictures with the most votes then went to a panel of judges.  From there the judges decided which photograph most embodied the vision of Thanksgiving Point.   I thought judging was June 5th, but it was May 27th.  I didn't check results until June 1st.    I scrolled down to the youth category and didn't see her name.   I was disappointed.  I was just starting to tell John that I guess she didn't win at the same time I was scrolling back up.   As I scrolled back up I saw her name.    I not only saw it once, but there was her name twice.  She won the first and second place prizes in her age category.   Yay!    I was so excited.   I didn't think both pictures would win.  But there it was in black and white.
So guess what we get to do for a year?  Yep, we get to go to Thanksgiving Point for free.   One of the prizes is an annual family pass.   We get discounts to events and get into the museums and the gardens for free!   I am so excited.   We now have something to do this summer.    Yay, yay, yay! Now here's my new challenge-  Feed Amber's passion for photography without breaking the bank.   My hesitation is that she is only 10.   At the same time she has consistently shown she has talent for photography.   She is happy behind a camera.   Photography is quickly becoming the art form she prefers.

A couple of years ago Amber was really struggling with self esteem.   She was having problems with friends, she was starting to dislike school, and she was starting to think she wasn't good at anything.  She hated trying anything new because she didn't want to fail.   That fear of failure was very real.   As much as I hated seeing it in her, I understood it.  There have been many times I have been stymied by this same fear.   It seems my daughter is exactly like me in that respect.

So I tried to find things that I thought would help her self esteem.  We put her in soccer so she could learn something new, get exercise, and hopefully find it was easy enough to succeed.   For a minute it worked.  She was excited to start something new.   But then somebody made fun of her.  She got scared of the ball hitting her in the face.  Then all of sudden every little thing bothered her. She wasn't enjoying soccer.    My dad decided to implement an incentive program.  She would get money for every time she kicked the ball and for every goal she made.   She never did make a goal but she made bank on kicking the ball.  Still she didn't enjoy it.   I was always stressed trying to get her ready for her games.   She hated going to practice.   She was not good at soccer.   I think I put her in soccer because it was something I had enjoyed when I was young and I didn't really consider her when that is what we decided to use as her confidence booster.   I started to really lose her.   I didn't understand her.  I could not figure out what she liked.  We had tried dance and she hated it.

But she had started using a camera in 1st grade and entering pictures into the Reflections contest at school.  She started winning at the school level but her pictures never went any further than that. When the opportunity came up for the photography contest at Thanksgiving Point came up I hesitated to tell her.   But I talked with Cori and decided we would take Amber to the Tulip Festival and she could use Cori's camera.  We headed off to the Tulip Festival.   Cori wasn't there yet, so Amber started off taking pictures with my cell phone.  Finally Cori got there with her camera.  Amber just took off.  She was snapping pictures constantly.   She was taking pictures of things I didn't think were picture worthy.   But I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut and just let her be. She was perfectly comfortable with the camera.  She loved having it around her neck.  She was a natural.

Then it came time to sort through the pictures.  I was amazed at the beautiful photographs Amber captured.   Then it came time to decide which pictures to submit.  I definitely had my favorites which weren't always Amber's favorites.   We narrowed it down to two pictures.   But then I put off submitting the application.  I thought we had a lot of time.  Finally the deadline was here and it was 11 p.m.   I had just climbed into bed.  Then I thought, "Oh no, I forgot to submit her pictures."   I didn't want to tell her I failed to submit her pictures so John found the application, printed it out, and woke up Amber long enough for her to sign the application.  Then we emailed the application and the photo to the contest coordinator.    We got it in on time.   I think we got the pictures in by 11:30 p.m.

Then it was the waiting game.   She had to get enough likes on Facebook so she could advance to the next round of judging with the actual judges.  She had to get enough of the popular vote.  So I shared her picture with my friends.  My brother shared her  picture and two or three other people shared her picture.   I started to get discouraged when one of the other photos received more than 100 likes and Amber's had about 40.  Ugh.   I wanted to see her win but I didn't think she stood a chance at this point.   I am so glad people liked her photo though.  She did advance to the next round.  From there it was up to the judges.   Judging was on Memorial Day, but I failed to check the results until June 1st.   I scrolled to the wrong division and didn't see her name.  It wasn't until I scrolled back up that I happened to see her name.   Both pictures won prizes.   She won first place for one picture and second place for the other.  I was so excited to see that.
The best part is that I now know what we get to do this summer.  As part of the prize package she will be getting a family pass to Thanksgiving Point.  We will get discounts and free admission to everything at Thanksgiving Point.  This means we may not have to go to the Dinosaur museum on the really crazy busy days.  We can go when we want to go and when I feel well enough to take the kids.  We can also go any time throughout the year.   Yay, yay, yay!  Way to go Amber!

Not only has she excelled in photography, but she has shown great talent in theatre.   Her class had the opportunity this year to write and perform an opera.   The Children's theatre program at Utah State University helped them put together the opera.  She practiced the songs at home, getting mad at her siblings for singing along.  Then it came time to divvy out parts.  She started getting discouraged because she didn't think she would get a major part even though she knew all the songs by heart.  The day came to divvy up parts.  She came home and said, "Guess what, I get to be the ghost!"  Yep, that was one of the biggest parts.  She was so excited.   I was excited for her.  She was always talking about her costume and what she was going to do.   It was so fun to see her face light  up every time she talked about the opera.

It came time for the performance.  I wanted to enjoy the opera so I found a babysitter for two of the boys.  The baby was easy to take with me.  Amber wanted my grandparents to come and both sets did come.  She was so excited to perform for people, especially those she knows.   She did an amazing job.  She was a good ghost of the clock.   I think she has found something else she loves.   She loves theatre.  I need to find some classes or something so we can feed her interests.
 
I am so glad we have finally found something she likes.  She has started to blossom under the opportunities.  I have finally found something she is passionate about.  I just need to foster this passion now.  I welcome any suggestions on how to foster passion for photography and theatre without breaking the bank.

The story

I had a birth plan.   I was going to deliver in the water with no epidural.   I had already planned on no epidural for multiple reasons of which I will not go into.    So, the option for a water birth was very attractive to me.  I had heard much good from friends who had done water births.  I was excited, yet nervous, to try this option.

But then my birth plan seemed to go haywire.   I had four days, at least, where I was sure I was in labor only to have contractions stop after an hour or two.   So on March 16th when contractions started late at night I went to bed fully expecting to be at church the next day.   That is until the contractions became so intense I could not breathe and they did not lessen after two hours of lying in bed.  John toted the other kids off to my dad's house while I tried to gear myself up for more disappointment.  I still fully expected the hospital to send me home.   We arrived at the hospital about 12:45 a.m.  I was into a room within 5 minutes via wheelchair.   

I had all my relaxation music and hypnotism tracks ready to go.    The nurses needed to prepare the tub for the water birth.    I wasn't quite sure what to expect with this part.   They had a large inflatable tub, much like a larger version of a child's inflatable swimming pool.   I was really unsure about this but I knew the water would help the pain.   I spent about an hour trying to ignore the painful contractions by using my MP3 player loaded with relaxing music and such.    However, the nurses kept  interrupting my relaxation and asking me a boatload of questions.   Ugh.   But I felt I was managing nicely.    The tub was finally ready.   The midwife helped me into the tub and oh, sweet relief.   The water immediately helped take the pressure off my midsection and helped make the contractions more manageable.    Oh, it was wonderful.    

I'm not really sure how long I was in the water before the contractions became so intense that I knew it was time to push.   I started pushing.  Once.   I could feel him almost out.  I knew how far he was, but it didn't hurt.    Twice.    His head started coming out.    Three pushes and he was out.   I had the option of catching him myself, but I was so overcome with emotion and relief that I did not trust myself to safely capture by baby.    So the midwife caught my little boy and immediately put him on my chest.   He was still attached to the cord.    

This was such a sweet experience.   I was able to hold my baby for about ten minutes before they took him to cut the cord and do his apgar scoring.   What a sweet experience.   We were able to sit in the water and bond, mother and baby.   At that point I did not even think about how gross the water was.  I just knew I had delivered the most perfect, and sweetest baby boy.   He was born at 2:48 a.m. on March 17th.    Yep, St Patty's day!

So here's where the comparisons come in.    I had planned to have my first child un-medicated but then I ended up having a C section.   I had a difficult time holding her at first as my body had just gone through the trauma of major surgery.   I hurt a lot after this birth.   

My second child I went with the epidural from the get go.  I didn't even want to try this one un-medicated.    I ended up bruising my tail bone, my daughter was jaundiced, and was unresponsive when she first came out.   I did not get to see her for a few minutes as they had to get her to breathe first.    

My third child I went with an epidural also.   After awhile in labor at the hospital, everything stopped and they had to give me pitocin (sp?) to start things up again.   He was a little lethargic as he came out but he was responsive.   I did have to put him on the bili bed as he was majorly jaundiced.

My fourth child came very fast.   I barely had time for an epidural.   But then it seemed the contractions slowed down.  I like to think he would have come a lot faster had I not had the epidural.  When he came out he was responsive, but seemed a little lethargic also.   He was also jaundiced and needed to be on the bili bed.

With all of my children up to this point I needed strong medication to manage the pain afterward.   I took either Percocet or Lortab for a couple of days afterward for pain, especially with my second child.  Bruising my tail bone was not in the plan.  

Now, with this one, I like to say I felt like I could run a marathon right after having him.   I tore a little bit, but the stitches did not hurt.   I was not sore like the others.  I felt like I could move, get to the bathroom by myself.   That alone was a positive thing.   It is so embarrassing to  have somebody help you to the bathroom and watch you until you are done.   

I digress.   Let me get back on track here.   This time my baby was alert and very responsive.    I was alert and responsive too.   I was able to enjoy him right away.   We had some sweet bonding moments while still in the water.    He did not have problems with jaundice.   

I did not need much pain medicine.   I felt I did not really need the pain meds but the nurses and midwife did not want me to get past the unmanageable stage so they started me on Ibuprofen 800.  Wahoo, no percocet or Lortab.  This meant I would not be loopy and I would be more responsive to my baby.    

I had a very easy recovery.   I was up and moving very quickly afterwards.  In fact, I had to get up and get out of the pool.   I loved being able to move and feel my own body.   I really liked being able to get to the bathroom without help from a nurse.  This meant I did not have to wait for someone to come to my room.   I had full control over my body.  Also, I was not hooked up to an IV.   I did not need to be hooked up to a saline solution afterwards.   I was free of any restricting cords, etc.   

I am so glad I chose the water birth.  It was so much easier than having an epidural and the recovery has been ten times better.  I would recommend a water birth for anybody.    The midwives had hesitated a bit to allow me to do the water birth because of my previous C section but I was so determined.   I love the midwives that cared for me.   They were amazing.   Despite the problems with illness during this pregnancy, I really felt like it was much easier than any of the others.  I am so grateful they allowed me the experience of a water birth.  

Disappointed with what is available

My daughter just turned 10 and for her birthday I gave her some options.
Option 1:  Go to the store and buy a present.
Option 2:  Go to Disney on Ice.
Option 3:  Go to a movie with mom and dad.

Of course, I gave her these options not really knowing what movies are available right now.   Plus, I thought I was safe, I was sure she would choose Disney on Ice.   But such is not the case.  She chose the movie with mom and dad.   So we sat down on Saturday to choose a movie.    I was severely disappointed in the fare we had to choose from.

I will not take my daughter to see these movies.   I just want to protect her from the world for a little longer.  There are things she doesn't need to see in the movies just yet.  The only movie I can see she would enjoy is OZ which doesn't come out for another week or so.   But I think she was telling me she wanted to see that movie just because it was the only one available.

So John and I decided to see if we could find a live theatre to take her to.   I want to take her to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang at the Hale Center Theatre, but it is mostly sold out until the end of March.  She has watched that movie so I know she would understand the play a bit.   I looked for other community theatres and found one with rave reviews.   The reviews said it was family friendly, cheaper than going to a movie, etc, etc, etc.   Then I looked at the current offering, "Death of a Salesman."  

I don't know about you, but I didn't fully understand that play when I read it in High School so I do not expect my 10 year old daughter to understand it right now.   I did not like it when I read it and I refuse to subject my daughter to something that I did not enjoy many years ago.  

My other option I suppose was to go to the ballet.   Ballet West just recently had Cinderella and I know she would have liked Cinderella.  But I was too late.   It ended on Saturday.  I thought it had at least one more week.  

After searching for options I am disappointed with what is available for family viewing.   There are not many options that are appropriate for a 10 year old.   I would like to expose my children to more theatre, but I refuse to pay the price for them to not understand and to be bored.  Maybe the pickings will be better in a few months, but I didn't want to wait that long.   I am tired of putting her off like this. But I don't have much of an option at this point.

I will just chalk this up to another parenting fail with my daughter.   It seems to happen way too often lately.  

I remember that time when . . .

As I was driving home from preschool today, my mind was flooded with memories.   One in particular was very poignant.  I was transported to my freshman year in college.   I had a wonderful roommate, yet she loved to stay up later than I did.  She consistently had others visiting.  At the same time I had a bout of homesickness, though I was only an hour away.  But, I had a tape (cassette tapes were still popular then!)  that my mom had given me.  It was a recording of the program we had when I received my young womanhood recognition.

What I remember most is that she had given a talk and had sung a duet with me.   I don't even remember the exact song we sang.   So, at night I would put headphones on and turn on the tape.   The headphones definitely did not block out all sound, but I found it relaxed me and I fell asleep quickly.   I was so grateful for that tape.   

So, as I was driving today, I found myself wishing I still had that tape.  I cannot find it and I think I may have recorded over it in later years.  I thought that if it relaxed me so many years ago amidst all the craziness of my dorm room, it could relax me during labor, right?   Maybe it could help me relax and sleep when I have a horrible migraine, or when I just have one of my restless nights.   

I'm not sure, why this memory surfaced today.  I am left missing my mom very much today as my emotions are already right on the surface.    People say that time erases the pain.   Well, yes, time does erase the pain, but it cannot erase the memories and it cannot erase the need for the one person who understood me better than I understood myself at times.   

More illness . . . .

After finishing a round of antibiotics, I thought I was free and clear.  I was getting things ready to complete a million projects I have lined up, including getting my girls moved into their rooms downstairs.   All of a sudden I was so exhausted I could barely stay awake.   I had an awful headache, I felt like the sinus infection had come back in full force, my body hurt, and I couldn't breathe when I tried to sleep.   I was so miserable.  

To top it all off, my girls were starting to complain about not feeling well and my boys were not sleeping well.   Once again, we were back to putting the kids in front of a movie or the computer so I could get some much needed rest.   I had started to feel yucky on a Tuesday.   That Wednesday I let Amber stay home from school because she felt awful and she looked so tired.  I had already been keeping Timothy home from school because he was so tired and out of sorts.   Having Amber home that day was such a godsend.   Even though she wasn't feeling well, she helped me with the boys.  I could barely move.

On Thursday I let Emma stay home.  I think she just wanted a day like Amber had, but she also just looked exhausted.  That day was the breaking point for me.  I wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry.  I was miserable and I couldn't keep up with the kids.   Every time I stood or sat upright my head would throb.   I couldn't even walk in a straight line.   

This is where my visiting teacher stepped in.   She had called earlier because Amber had told her I was really sick again.   She asked if I needed anything from the store.   I had her get some me some milk.  That was the one thing that would make breakfast so much easier.  My kids can get cereal on their own and I don't have to worry about getting them breakfast.  I had just been feeling so yucky and had not been able to get to the store yet.   

She came back with the milk and I had to get up and answer the door.   I could barely stand up and I was literally in tears because I hurt so much.  It was awful.   At that point I was so grateful that she then took my kids for the rest of the afternoon, and made dinner for us.  I asked somebody else to pick up Amber from school as I knew I would not be able to get there safely.   

John got home from work, we ate dinner, and he said he was taking me to Instacare and I had no choice.  This had gone on long enough and I needed help.   So he took my kids to my dad's house and we trooped off to Instacare.   Because of the severe pain combined with pregnancy Instacare would not treat me.  The doctor gave John a choice- either he can drive me to the ER or they would put me in an ambulance.  He chose to drive me to the ER.   

Thankfully they were  not busy at the ER.  I waited a few short minutes before they checked me in.   After getting checked in, the ER wouldn't treat me either.  They wheeled me to Labor and Delivery where they took a flu swab and monitored the baby.  Oh, and they gave me a dose of morphine.  Because the morphine did not take effect immediately and with my history of migraines, Labor and Delivery sent me back to the ER for X-rays.   This is when I found out the flu test came back positive.   I could have told them it was the flu before I took the test.   It didn't feel like anything else.  

Back in the ER, despite having difficulty standing due to the severe headache, the X-ray tech made me stand up.   I just wanted to cry.  John hadn't been able to come with me so I had to do it by myself.   The x-ray tech was no help.   He was actually a little impatient with me.   Finally we were done with x-rays.   A short while later the ER nurses told me I was being admitted.   At that point it was just about 8 a.m. and I had been at the hospital since 8 p.m.   John was exhausted, I was exhausted, and my kids were still at my dad's house.   

The doctors told me I would be there for at least 24 hours.  But then my platelet counts dropped.    They wouldn't let me go home until my platelet counts started rising again.   By Sunday I was so discouraged.   Everything was out of my control.  My platelet levels had dropped so low and the doctor kept telling me scary things that could happen.   Before this I didn't know what function the platelets have.   Apparently platelets are an important factor in blood clotting.   So that's why everybody was so concerned when my platelet levels dropped.   

That Tuesday, five days after originally going to the ER the doctor finally told me I could go home because it looked like my platelet counts were rising.   I came home about 1:00 that afternoon.   I was so excited to come home, but I was still so exhausted.   It has been a long road since I came home.   I have taken a major beating physically and emotionally.   My energy has pretty much been non-existent.  Two weeks later I am just now feeling like I can function as a normal person again.   But I still have to get the rooms ready for my girls.    I have a lot to do in the next 6 weeks.   I'm not sure it is going to get done but I will certainly try.  I may have to enlist the help of friends.  

There is a time and a place for everything

Sometime in December I came down with what I thought was just a common cold.   It very well may have been just a cold to begin with.   But, being pregnant, there are very little medications I can take to ease the symptoms.  Yes, I know the medications won't make my cold go away, I just needed to function.   So, knowing there were very little options for medications, I turned to some friends and family who use herbal remedies.  Some of these people rely solely on herbal remedies, others will use medication when absolutely necessary.   

So, after consulting with these people, here is the regimen I began.

Garlic-   I began using fresh garlic.  I would chop it up, put it on a spoon, and wash it down with water.  At first it was really gross, but I soon got used to it.   I could tolerate the fresh garlic.  I was taking about 3 cloves of fresh garlic a day.

Zinc/Vitamin C supplement-  I would take 2-3 pills per day.  Zinc is supposed to be a natural antibiotic as well as garlic.   

Neti pot-  I love the neti pot.  It is a little weird, but I have been using the neti pot for about 5 years now.   Usually I can flush out my sinuses before the infection settles in.   

Peppermint oil-  I would put this under my nose, on the back of my tongue, and on my forehead to help clear my sinuses and to relieve my headaches.  

So, with all the garlic, zinc, and vitamin C I was infusing my body with, I should have started to feel better, right?   Fast forward three weeks.   I was getting sinus headaches galore.   My face felt ready to explode.  My sinuses were so clogged the neti pot was not doing any good.   My face was was so swollen and sore.   I had the chiropractor do work on my sinuses to open them up and help them drain.   This seemed to all be to no avail.   I was sure at this point that I had a sinus infection.  

After trying everything, except going to the doctor, I knew I needed to get in quickly.  After all, it had been just about 4 weeks since I first started feeling like I had a cold.  I was able to get in the same day I called.  I knew the doc would prescribe amoxicillan, but I know my body does not respond to amoxicillan.  I talked with the doctor about this.  I told him I did not want to return in two weeks not feeling any better and needing a different antibiotic.   He gave me one I can use safely and he took time to explain the classifications of antibiotics and why he could give me the one he did.   

I am now on day four of antibiotics and I feel 10 times better than I have for the past month.   I have gotten through the day without a major headache.  I am still exhausted as ever, but I can function.  

Not that anybody needed all this dumb information about how sick I've been.   My point is that there is a time and a place for everything.   I do believe herbs work to a point.   But I do not believe that we should disregard the place of medication and the advice of doctors in our lives.   I have friends who are completely sold on the use of essential oils for everything.   Others I  know are completely sold on herbs for everything.   

I am not completely sold on the sole use of either essential oils or herbs.   I do believe they have a place and will help.  But there are times when the ailments we suffer with require more than what the herbs and oils can do for us.   After trying all I knew to do with herbs and oils, I knew I needed more help.   I do not like medications but I also recognize the need for medication to help me.   I recognize that there is a time and a place for herbs and also a time and a place for medications.

If the stars and moon could be our pillow . . .

Apparently my little guy has an obsession with the stars and the moon.  Who knew?  I certainly didn't realize this.   It was about 3 a.m. and I was tucking him back into bed after he had gotten sick (yuck!).  He turned to me and told me when he grows up he wants an airplane that will go all the way to the stars and to the moon.   When I asked him why he wanted that when he grows up, he looked at me and said, "So the stars and the moon can be my pillow."   Then he laid his head down and went to sleep.   I'm sure he was dreaming of sleeping on stars.  

How would that be to believe all is well if the stars and moon make the pillow we lay our heads on as we sleep?