Grandma's Garden

Grandma has always had a garden for as long as I can remember. I remember spending the night with grandma and helping her in the garden. I have a picture of me in the garden with her. But this year is hard for grandma. You see, grandma fell while planting her garden. She was doing what she loves. But what she loves had to be put on hold because she broke her hip when she fell and had a partial replacement. Not able to work in the garden bothers my grandma. But, this gives me the opportunity to once again help her take care of the garden. This summer and fall I will tend her garden so all her hard work does not go to waste. This is just a small thing I can do to help my grandma. And maybe my girls will learn to help too! If nothing else comes of it, my kids will have the opportunity to get to know my grandma better. There is nothing better than seeing the light in her face when she gets to visit with us. While it is awful that she has to endure the trials of a broken hip, we're finding good in the situation too.

Living with the effects of PTSD!

In my last post I mentioned going to fireworks. So I wanted to do a separate post with some thoughts about that experience.

On Saturday night I decided I wanted John to go with me to the concert and fireworks. I was tired of going by myself. I asked him to go knowing full well how awful fireworks are for him. I asked him knowing that he might get a little crazy. I guess you can say I was being selfish. I was tired of giving up the things I want to do just because my husband cannot handle doing these things with me. So I convinced him it wouldn't be so bad and that he should try putting ear plugs in and then the sound wouldn't bother him so much. Ha, I think we both knew better. But he gave in because he knew I wanted him to go with me. He was willing to sacrifice his sanity for my happiness.

So we traipsed off to the concert, stayed for the fireworks, and came home. By the time we got home John was shaking uncontrollably. He could not keep his hands still. On the way home he was really quiet. I tried to talk to him and he wouldn't respond. He was afraid of coming unglued and he says that wasn't fair to me. So he just stayed quiet.

At that point I felt horrible. I was a horrible wife for even asking him to go with me. I was horrible for being so selfish. I need to be more like my husband. He was willing to sacrifice his sanity for me. But I wasn't willing to sacrifice my own wants once again for him. I have been dealing with this for many years. You would think I would be used to it and would be able to push my own desires back. But for some reason I was unable to be selfless. I could only think of what I wanted.

After the fact I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to go back to the point where I decided I wasn't letting him off the hook once again. I wanted to go back and change what I wanted. But I couldn't change it. We could only try to get past it. We could only do things to mitigate, not prevent, the damage. So when it was time for fireworks again on Monday night, I tagged along with my friend and her family. It turns out her husband doesn't like fireworks. So it was good. John stayed home, did what he could to drown out the booming of the fireworks that were being set off only about two blocks away.

This experience raises a lot of questions for me though. The biggest question, are you ready? Fireworks are supposed to be patriotic. Most fireworks shows I attend are choreographed to patriotic music. You know, songs like "God Bless the USA," "America the Beautiful," and "Coming to America." But why do we do this? Why do we use something to demonstrate our patriotic spirit when the people who have protected our freedoms here cannot enjoy the celebration? Why do we do this to our military men and women? Is there a better way to celebrate, to demonstrate our patriotic spirit? I don't know. As I've said before, I love fireworks. I don't know why I love them. I am amazed at the beauty the fireworks create. But at what cost do we use fireworks to celebrate?

We've been keeping busy

This month has been pretty busy and has been full of meltdowns, hard lessons, and of course, lots of laughs.

The first friday in June was the last day of school. We attended my daughter's kindergarten graduation program. And of course, she was so excited to sing, but when it came right down to it, she got whiny and did not want to participate at all! Grrr . . .

Now that school is out, we've had the challenge of keeping the kiddos busy. We have been to the zoo, the park, fireworks, a parade and more.

This past weekend was Taylorsville Dayzz. I have always enjoyed Taylorsville Dayzz. There are concerts, fireworks, a carnival, and a parade. I'm not much into the carnival. I think it is way too overpriced. At $3-$4 per ride, I always think I could use that money in a better place. But I do love parades and I love fireworks. This year, my daughter's soccer league was participating in the parade. That meant that three of us walked in the parade, passed out candy, and fliers. It was kind of fun. We have some good people on the board of directors. (Oh yeah, I'm one of those good people!) I love soccer, I love that my kids have the opportunity to play.

This year they had fireworks for three nights. And yes, I went all three nights. I love, love, love fireworks. There is just something about being at the park, and enjoying the whole ambience of the whole show. It is seeing all the people, listening to the music, and even dealing with the bugs.

We have also been busy with piano lessons. The girls are picking up on the piano quite nicely. I am so grateful for the two ladies who are teaching my girls. They are so patient and work with them very well. I love seeing my girls start to understand the concepts. I think piano was a good choice for them.

Last week we were able to celebrate with my friend, Desiree, her husband, and her family. Her husband graduated with his Master's degree. Wow. He's worked hard. What an amazing accomplishment. We went to Bouncin' off the Walls in Sandy. It was fun, but I'm not sure I will go there again. The equipment was in serious disrepair. I did not have sufficient upper body strength to get up on top of one of the slides. The foot holds were all ripped out. But we wore out the kids. We came home and they fell asleep almost immediately.

We have also been going to a movie once a week. The theater close to me does a summer movie club. For $5 a person, we get 10 weeks of movies. The movies are all old movies that are already released on DVD, but it is fun to take the kids to the theater and not feel bad about missing a good portion of the movie for potty breaks and a cranky baby! So far we have seen movies such as How to train a dragon, Despicable Me, and Megamind. It has been quite enjoyable.

Despite the fun activities, the kids have not been immune to meltdowns. Amber is concerned about the fairness of everything and she has a fairness radar. Her meltdowns concern the fairness of everything. She is learning some hard lessons. Some of the hardest lessons she is learning are about money management. She doesn't understand why I cannot buy what she wants all the time. She sees her friends getting things all the time. It is a hard thing for an 8 year old to learn. We have thrown their schedule so far off kilter this summer. I have let them stay up, sleep in, we have breakfast late. But hey, sometimes it just needs to be done. They need to be able to let their hair down, so to speak, and enjoy what life has to offer. I have decided that I do not want to micro manage their whole lives. They need to have some guidelines, but they are also learning to make their own choices. I give them options, they make choices, they reap the consequences- good or bad.

In a nutshell, this has been our summer so far. July will be just as busy. I'm looking forward to all the activities that we have planned.

Struggling

I'm struggling. As a mom I want the best for my children. But sometimes I have to sit back and just watch as my children don't want what I think is best for them. That is hard. I see so much potential. So, how hard do I fight for them? Am I fighting because it is something I want, or am I truly fighting for their well being? What if they don't want what I'm fighting for? Is that what turns it into a fight for me and not for them?

Spring Break.

We decided that we were going out of town for spring break this year. Yes, we were the people who used a portion of our tax refund this year for a vacation.

This isn't the first time we have taken a road trip with the four kids. So before the trip I stocked up on things that would keep them busy. We borrowed a DVD player with two screens so all the kids could watch at the same time. We stocked up on movies, music, books, toys, snacks, and food for lunch and dinner so we didn't have to eat out.

Then I packed. I tried to pack light, but four kids certainly require a lot of gear. I was determined to not need the rooftop carrier on our Tahoe this trip. I succeeded, but it was certainly tight. Luckily my kids are used to being packed in tight when we take road trips.

Finally I headed out with the kids with the promise of John meeting up with us later in the week. I was nervous about being the sole driver with 4 kids, and one that has just barely been potty trained in the last month. But as long as we stopped regularly the kids made it through the drive. I can't say they were the best behaved children the whole vacation. They certainly had their moments. But that was to be expected. You take children out of their element, throw them off their schedule, and they aren't exactly the happiest campers in the world! And no, my kids are not immune to meltdowns.

I think every one of my children had a meltdown at one point or another during the entire vacation. However, we made it through. It was impossible to keep them on the same strict schedule we keep at home while on vacation. Meal times, bed time, it was all thrown off kilter. But the memories we made as a family certainly outweigh the meltdowns!

We were able to go the pageant at the Mesa, Arizona temple. It is an amazing pageant about the life of Jesus Christ. I have wanted to attend that pageant for a very long time and I'm so glad I finally had the opportunity. I'm not sure the kids cared for the pageant, they all fell asleep, but that was something I wanted to do for myself! The kids did enjoy walking around the temple grounds the next day while it was light.

Here are some other things we were able to do. We took a driving tour of Phoenix, because Jeff had to show us the sports arenas! Of course that was the first thing he showed us, even before he took us to the temple! We went swimming because it was 90 degrees every day. We went to the Firefighter's museum, and the Arizona museum for youth (AMY). The AMY was fun because there was a fairytale exhibit and a baseball exhibit. There were multiple areas where the kids could dress up. This entertained all of my kids for hours.

There were two areas at the firefighter's museum where the kids could play. The kids loved playing on the fire engine and putting on firefighting coats and hats. Emma was not very happy when I announced it was time to move on to see more things. She wanted to stay and play.

We planned to go to the zoo one of the days, but I'm such a cheapskate that I couldn't swallow the price tag. So we didn't go. I preferred to spend money doing a lot of different things instead of just one thing.

John flew to Phoenix on Thursday. Friday morning we went to the military museum. John fit in well there. They let the kids get into the helicopter and play with all the buttons. Oh my, they could have played there for hours. The kids had a lot of fun, especially when they learned how much their dad knew about all that stuff. John enjoyed talking to them about the military. It was the perfect opportunity to talk to them about some of his experiences in the military. Amber was shocked to find out John had carried a gun. She has seen him in uniform, and she knows he was in Afghanistan, but she had never equated that to carrying a gun. I think it was an eye opener for her. It was cool. Friday afternoon we were able to drive a couple of hours to Tucson to meet up with one of my dear friends. I haven't seen her for many, many years and it was so good to see her. We all went to dinner and had a good time. The only problem is that we had to say goodbye at some point. Then we drove back to Mesa.

Despite our desperate need for sleep, we stayed up enjoying one last night with Jeff and Cori. We are so grateful they opened up their apartment to us despite my 3 yo boy who terrorizes any place he goes to!

We headed for home on Saturday morning. Despite our efforts to get Ellie to come back with us, she ultimately decided she wouldn't be happy in the cold! :) So we let her stay. The drive home was mostly uneventful and we were all ready to get out of the car for good. Timothy only unbuckled his seatbelt about 8 times during the 13 hour drive so I'd call that a success.

We had a good time. And we are glad to be home. Today it is back to the schedule. Regular meal times and bed times. And the kids will adapt once again. They are much more adept at adapting to lots of changes than I am!

I have pictures to post, but I need to load them onto the computer first.

Micah turns 1!

Okay, so I'm just a little late on this post. Micah turned 1 earlier this month. We celebrated with a small family party for those who could make it. This celebration was bittersweet as it is hopefully the last 1 year birthday celebration we will be having.

The whole cake thing was kinda strange this time because Micah had already tasted cake, had already made a mess with cake. He has never been happy watching others eat what I have deemed him not ready for. So judge me how you wish, but my son had cake, cookies, icecream, and (gasp!) peanut butter all before he turned one. Don't misunderstand, that was not his entire diet, but he certainly was not required to sit calmly by while the others had a small treat. So his birthday cake was certainly fun, but it was not a new experience for him. By his first birthday he had learned how to get most of the cake in his mouth. Mess? Very little. Ummmm . . . . maybe a lot, but from the icecream, not the cake!

With my other kids I have turned their car seats forward facing at one year. They were all 20 pounds before one. Micah wasn't 20 pounds. He was so close. But the recommendations have also changed. The AAP now recommends they stay rear facing until they are 2. Okay, so Micah will just stay where he's at. I don't feel too sad. My only difficulty with this is alleviated by other children who can help me understand how things are going in the back seat!

And because he has people, aka siblings, who are willing to carry him around everywhere, he has decided to take it slow on the walking thing! He is slowly making progress, but for now he is content to race everywhere on his hands and knees! He has learned to crawl up the stairs so I have to watch him closely when we are in the basement. He is quick. Many times I find him at the top of the stairs before I have realized where he was. And yes, I am a very attentive mother. But there are times when my attention is required elsewhere. He waits until I am focused on somebody or something else, then he darts as fast as he can. Happily playing with a toy? Ha, fooled me! He was just calculating the amount of time it would take him to get somewhere else, and then he sits and waits for his chance.

He now has 6 teeth and two more pushing his gums. His poor mouth. But he doesn't let it slow him down. He is a very happy child and likes to tease. Those experts who say babies don't have a sense of humor have obviously never seen my children. Yesterday at church, we let Micah play on the floor. He looked at me with a devious grin, and bolted for the door. I grabbed his foot as that was all I could get a hold of. He laughed and tried to get away. Yep, we had everyone watching us instead of the sunday school teacher! Oops. Changing his diaper? You guessed it. He loves to tease us. Sitting still? He won't do it! Laughing at us as we try to get him diapered and dressed? Always.

Potty Training

I dreaded the day Timothy wanted to potty train. I admit, part of the reasons for waiting so long was my own unwillingness to deal with accidents, etc.
But I got tired of buying diapers. As long as we had diapers for him, Timothy refused to try to potty train. It was easier to just use those darn diapers.
One day I decided as soon as this last batch of diapers was gone I was not buying any more. Timothy would have to potty train. In ask reality I still wasn't prepared. We ran out of diapers faster than I expected.
But I didn't buy anymore. I told Timothy he had to wear underwear and use the toilet. I was so nervous about the prospect. But he trained so easily. I've been nervous about taking him places for fear of accidents. You see, I couldn't use pull-ups because they're too much like a diaper.
Timothy has been such a trooper. He is potty trained. And it only took a couple of days to get the nighttime thing down! All of my fears seem to have been unfounded. It has been relatively painless and easy.
This is really nothing short of a small miracle. I'm counting my blessings with this one.